In the same vein as the Movie and Music Lyric threads.

Series: Red Dwarf

Episode: Stasis leak

Rimmer:

Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.

One of my favourite tv shows for dialogue, peruse these to see what I mean. http://www.freewebs.com/reddwarfquotes/main.htm

http://www.theninemuses.net/quotes/reddwarf.html

Deadwood:

Al Swearengen: Would you close your flap, that I don't forego my boiled eggs.

(Johnny Burns is walking around in his long johns with his butt hanging out, which actually do resemble boiled eggs.)

Blackadder the third:

Episode: NOB & NOBILITY

Edmund Blackadder:

Either I think up an idea, or, tomorrow, we die -- which, Baldrick, I have to tell you, I have no intention of doing, because I want to be young and wild, and then I want to be middle-aged and rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf.

The Unit

Charlotte Ryan: "What about us? What about London?"

Colonel Tom Ryan: "Can't stand the rain baby."

BtVS:

Too many to list: The entire cookie speech; the "Dawn's in trouble; must be Tuesday" line; this exchange:

Buffy: Okay. Um ... how about the expression, 'Vampire slayer'?

Vamp: What the hell you talkin' about?

Buffy: Wow. Never heard that one. Okay. How about, 'Oh god, my leg, my leg'?

The Vampire growls and lunges at her. She ducks his grab, punches him in the face and kicks his leg. His knee buckles and he falls to the ground.

Vamp: Oh god! My leg! Uhh...

Just for starters.

the "Dawn's in trouble; must be Tuesday" line

Probably my favorite.

Rescue Me (2004)

Chief Reilly: Blessed screaming Jesus on a whole-wheat goddamn cracker.

------------------------------

Franco Rivera: He's retarded.

Kenny Lou: Like Rainman retarded or Paris Hilton retarded?

...and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf.

South Park, from the AARP episode:

President of AARP: EH?!?

Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like...Mozart's friend. No. I?m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You're gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

-----

Dwight Schrute: Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

The Office: The Pilot Deleted Scenes

Michael: (introducing camera to Pam) This is Pam. Every man in the office has sprayed Pam.

I'll try not to make this thread into an AD quote thread

Michael: So .. this is the magic trick, huh?

Gob: "Illusion," Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. [Michael points out that a bunch of kids are staring at Gob with their mouths open] ... Or candy!

Deadwood, Season 3, Episode "Leviathan Smiles"

Joanie Stubbs: (D)oes it trouble you, keepin' watch on a dark place?

Mose Manuel: No, ma'am, it does not. Especially when I know there's light comin' to it.