Happy Birthday Grahame. My apologies to the Monty Python guys but I felt it was apprpriate:
Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and spam; egg sausage and spam; egg and bacon; egg bacon and bacon; egg bacon sausage and bacon; bacon bacon sausage and bacon; bacon egg bacon bacon bacon and bacon; bacon sausage bacon bacon bacon bacon tomato and bacon;
Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon...
Waitress: ...bacon bacon bacon egg and bacon; bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon baked beans bacon bacon bacon...
Vikings: Bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and bacon.
Wife: Have you got anything without bacon?
Waitress: Well, there's bacon egg sausage and bacon, that's not got much bacon in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY bacon!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got bacon in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much bacon in it as bacon egg sausage and bacon, has it?
Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon bacon and sausage without the bacon then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like bacon!
Vikings: Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon bacon and sausage without the bacon.
Wife: I don't like bacon!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your bacon. I love it. I'm having bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon beaked beans bacon bacon bacon and bacon!
Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon. Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her bacon instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Bacon bacon bacon bacon. Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon! Bacon ba-a-a-a-a-a-con bacon ba-a-a-a-con bacon. Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Bacon bacon bacon bacon!