Wmcmanus

It was near the end of a 2-hour very public Santa gig that I do every Thursday night, and there had been an unually high concentration of screaming babies. It was also a bit hot, so my cooling vests were on their last leg, and my mind was starting to wander. Then as I looked up, three youngish (to me anyway) women in their late 20s or early 30s approached me, all giddy and full of "inside joke" kind of laughter. They immediately started to get quite "fresh" with Santa, one on each knee (which is fine) but rubbing up on me in somewhat inappropriate ways, and the banter was right in step with their physicalness. Not that I minded so much, it was a welcome break from the routine, especially on this night. Some of those babies were like worms, kicking and screaming. Lots of sweet, innocent moments as well with angelic children, but that aside, this trio was shaping up to a quite interesting photo session. The photographer was going along with it as well, and probably couldn't hear half of what they were saying. Oddly enough, I didn't even notice them as they had stood in line. Just, boom! There they were, and they were all about Santa. Or so I thought. But apparently, they enjoy each other's company as well. More on that in a moment. But first, when I asked them what they wanted for Christmas, the least attractive of the three (and she wasn't half bad for a Thursday night) looked at the other two and asked, "Should I tell him?" They nodded, so she did. Not surprisingly, she wanted to get some pics with Santa pretending to (or actually, I'm not so sure which), spank her. I quickly declined, saying, "Sorry, I don't do anything like that. It will get all over Facebook, and I've got hundreds of Santa friends who will disapprove..." They thought that was kind of funny (I do too, when I think about it), but I assured them that it was true. So back to the little kids we go. We were actually running overtime. It was 7:10pm and I graciously agreed to hang around for the remaining 3 or 4 families with young'uns who were still in line. Behind the cameraman, off in the distance a bit, the three of them were hanging on, frolicking around with each other, and taking pics of odd poses on a bench that is made to look like a polar bear. I didn't think much of it, but would learn quickly that they were waiting for me! Now everyone is packing up, the props crew is knocking down the steal-able bits on the set, and the photo crew was taking down their portable lighting, while I was packing the candy bag away inside the toy bag, putting my royal robe back on and grabbing Rudolph's neck harness to head back to the SUV/sleigh. Now the conversation gets interesting. They all have boyfriends, and at least one of them isn't a half bad guy according to the others. He dates the real stunner, a Caymanian girl, who I was kind of taking a liking to. Tall and slim, beautiful smile. Definitely the pick of the litter... But he's too Churchy for her taste, and her other friends think that he's waiting for her to lure him into sin. She vows not to do so, which is to say that although he's quite interested in her sexually, he's yet to make the move. Now I guess I'm supposed to be a counselor?!?! No, as it turns out, that's not the point they intended to make. It seems that they noticed that I noticed her as well, and think that she... all of them, actually... have noticed that I might just have a little naughtiness up my sleeve somewhere, something they now wish to explore. Well, it didn't take long until they just came right out with it, that despite their "straight" nature, each of them they assured me, they are very close friends, and have come up with this fun game that they now like to play along with a 4th young lady who was unfortunately not in plain view for my evaluation. Yet, they assured me that she's every bit as cute as they are, and we're talking a 9 and two 6s. In any event, they've coined the term "boobie cocoon" (yes, there is a payoff to this long story, or so I'm now hoping). As you might imagine, this game they play involves anywhere from 6 to 8 boobies, and they're trying to recruit another pair or two in the near future. Said boobies are rubbed every which way to the carnal delight of some lucky recipient, mostly themselves. Sounding more and more interesting, and perhaps "worth the wear and tear" as Mick Jaggar once sang (credit "Some Girls"), so I provided them with one of my "adult" Santa cards (not what you're thinking, just a card with my cell number and email address), and encouraged them to call me soon. I've been home for several hours now; it doesn't seem to be happening tonight. What's most interesting is that none of them seemed to know me. They thought that surely I wasn't local, or they would have seen me around the place by now, and figured that they "flew me in" to be Santa... hopefully they won't sniff around too much, and then start getting shy all of a sudden. I may or may not actually go through with it. My loins say yes, but they're all very local and even more vocal. Not so sure I'd want to take the reputational risk, speaking as Santa now, not as merely an old fat guy who would never otherwise have a chance to come to bat in a triple header... not to mention to boobie cocoon, which they claim is outright intergallactic - it was weird, they all actually spoke with very strange words, big words. I think they've had many conversations about this topic - not the Santa aspect - but just the general experience that they like to 'share' with one another.

Best Christmas decoration ever... Got this as an email today. Accompanying text: "Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories, but two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost had an accident when they drove by. Second, a 55 year-old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder and almost killed herself putting it against my house because the old broad didn't realize he was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard." I'm not so sure about the 55 year-old lady being an "old broad" but maybe I'm showing my age...

I could actually hear that! "I take you for nice meal..." Laughter now causing a little tearing.

The serious answer is that she's a very nice girl, through and through. She's just an angel, and also very composed and doesn't seem to be giddy or fluffy-brained at all. Everyone here has high hopes for her in the Miss Universe competition. Although we send someone every year, this young lady really is special.

Pics of some of the young ladies who have sat in my lap this year... The latter being Miss Cayman, who is competing for Miss Universe, and was not dressed like that at the time.

Nine events today. Friggin' crazy. Just one quick story, then off to bed. Lady at the pre-school this morning, one of the mom's and also a worker there (her husband was the photographer, same event that I've done for 5 years now, see them just this once per year)... she couldn't get over my new toy bags this year (the ones that replaced last year's that got stolen by the fucking brat neighborhood kids when I left my car unlocked one night). 3 separate times in front of these 3 and 4 year olds she innocently said, "Santa, you have such a nice big sack!" After the third time when she walked out of the room to fetch yet another small batch of kids to bring in, I told the husband (just him and me in the room), "I'm a little worried about your wife's fascination with my "big sack!" I had him dying of laughter. He said, "You know, I was thinking the same thing! It sounds like she's talking about your nut sack!!!" He said he was going to give her a hard time about it, and tell her that we had our little chat to embarrass her. She came back in the room with about 8 more kids and we got back to work. About 5 minutes into it, "Santa, you've got such a nice..." and before she could finish, he and I both burst into laughter. He couldn't hold his Nikon still for a couple of minutes. She said, "What's wrong? What did I do?" He said, "Don't worry... I'll tell you later." They're from Ireland, so she should know. Sack is a very European descriptor, me thinks? No?

I'm in between Santa gigs right now. Three down for today, four more to go. Yesterday, today, tomorrow and Sunday will be 28 events in total. Crazy busy, but having tons of fun. The event I just came from is a charitable deal for an adult learning center (meaning essentially a day care facility for adults with moderate to extreme mental and physical disabilities). This was only my second year doing this event, so I had forgotten that it was co-sponsored by the West Bay police department! The facility is actually less than a mile from my house so it's an easy event for me to do. What a blast! They're like a bunch of big kids, a very happy group. But the main reason for this post is to say that they all are definitely aware of the situation, right up to the chief, apparently. The minute I got there, one of the officers put his hand over his badge number and said, "I don't want to get in trouble with you!" They were all laughing about it, and saying that I should charge my full price for the event next Sunday. I still haven't heard anything official, but it seems that they don't think I'm bluffing so will either be dusting away the ticket or paying me $100 before the event. They said that chances are, they'll just "pass the hat" to collect the money from all of the officers, and number 418 (the offending officer) will be expected to chip in a double share! I just checked through my Santa journals from past years, and next Sunday will actually mark the 11th consecutive year that I've done this event for them and I've never charged them a nickel. Throughout the years I've been involved with several other things that they do for the community in the summer months as well, especially a fishing tournament that they host that I did all of the bookkeeping for in the late 90s and up until Hurricance Ivan in 2004. So a lot of them know me, and have been to my house many times for false alarms on my burglary system as well.

Long story, but kind of a fun one. On my way to a Santa gig this evening, I ran out of gas. Knew that I was on fumes but thought I could make it. Thought wrong. Plus I was running right on time without a minute to spare, so I had no choice but to leave the SUV where it was, kind of half on the shoulder and half on the road. Not an obstruction to traffic in any way, but certainly not where a vehicle should be parked. But I had precious little time, and a bad back (been to the chiropractor twice this week and am healing gradually, but still sore) so there was no way I could put it in neutral and move it myself. Instead, I popped the back latch, grabbed my big toy bag and bells, etc., and hitched a ride to my event. First car was Cayman Airway flight attendant (they all know me by sight) so she stopped and then laughed the whole way to the event. Got there right on the minute. On the way, I called the West Bay police and explained where I had left the SUV, that I was on my way to do a Santa event, and would be back in 3 hours. Ok, she said, not a problem, so long as there are no complaints. One hour into the event, I had someone call back the police station to confirm everything was still Ok. No problem. Another hour later, another call, still no problem. Got a ride from the photographers back home after the event, and quickly changed to street clothes, grabbed a gas can out of the shed, and was putting my key in my other car when my cell phone rang. West Bay police officer so and so, reading my licence plate and asking if this was my vehicle, then informing me that he gave me a ticket. Tried to explain the situation, to no avail. Arrived at my SUV 6 minutes after the ticket was written. $100. Put in a gallon of gas drove it to the gas station to fill it up, and then to the police station. Same officer is in the building, so he comes out to see me, all gruffy and official, telling me the rules. I said, "No problem, sir, but now you're on Santa's naughty list!" Said it in a friendly, obviously joking manner. Told him he was going to get a lump of coal. He's not amused. Asks me, "Is that all sir?" I said, "Nope. That's not everything. Please inform Sergent Williams when you see him next that there has been a price change for event that Santa has scheduled for a week from Sunday. It was to be free, but will now cost $100." He looked at me somewhat quizzically, so I said, "Every year, I do this event for your department for the benefit of poor children in the community. It's held during prime hours that I can easily reschedule for a minimum of $300. I schedule it as a freebie every year anyway, and in fact call in October to reserve whatever time Sergent Williams prefers. Have been doing it for years and years for free. This year it will be $100 cash, paid a minimum of 24 hours in advance. That, sir, is all." I then turned and walked away. Didn't even give him a chance to respond. Tomorrow morning, it will be interesting to see how long it takes Williams to call me. Don't fuck with Santa or you'll get some dork wearing a cotton ball beard and naugahyde boot covers. It should be interesting.

No apologies necessary! Thanks for sharing. Amazing. I watched the entire video without shifting positions on the couch. Such body control.

Have a good one, Tom. It's been too long since I've made it up your way... maybe one of these days for a regional meet.

Another fan here. Extremely accessible and so talented at keeping things simple and letting the music shine through in the performance. He understood that it wasn't all about him, but in the moods that his music could help to create in the listener's heart and mind. Will have to break out some vinyl tonight in his honor.

Here's a little clip from an event that I did last weekend.

Fuckity fuck fuckers, at that.

Most of it was a bit dull for my tastes (elevator music), but I really liked the second half of Note Two when they finally revved up the engine and picked up the pace of the music. That gave me a real sense of movement and passion, which is what cars like that are all about.

We don't like you being unhappy. Glad things are heading in the right direction. Nice cast...

Happy birthday, Gene! Have a great day.

Just for the record, are you Justin or are you Frank?

A battle I fight with myself far too often.

Have always loved Big Trouble, but I couldn't trouble to get all the way through this one.

I just wanted to say what a great aunt you are, not just for getting her such a nice gift but also for going the extra mile to make sure that what you get for her will be just right.

You have a full moon inserted in your ankle. Must be painful.

Even if people use the Bcc to forward emails you've sent to them, they often don't delete your email address from the body of the message.

Don't worry, your cargo is safe with me. http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=34305