Wmcmanus

Happy birthday, Ken! Look under the tree...

You kind of have a point there, don't you? I should be out in the sleigh somewhere! I did 14 events today from 10:30am until 12pm, and my mom did half of them with me from 3pm until 9:30pm. Nothing particularly interesting happened other than the guy at the gas station who was looking at us and fishing for his cell phone to take a pic, as he ran over a 5 gallon gas can that the pump attendant had just filled for another customer. Last year I did 17 events on Christmas Eve, and didn't get home until 3am because of the adults only night cap party that didn't happen this year for some reason. I remember it well. They were mixing 4 bottles of beer with a can of minute maid lemonade concentrate and then adding the same amount of vodka using the minute maid can to measure it. Makes a nice drink. Not sure what they called it, but I could use some now.

Fucking tired... need sleep.

Thanks for all of the nice comments about the Santa stuff, folks. I'd like to think that I don't do it just for the attention, but it would definitely be a hard thing to do (err, "become") if I were a shy person. It's been nice to have my mom here this week, serving as Mrs. Claus. I remember posting a similar pic of her and I from two years ago when she was here, but I wasn't real bearded at that time, so this one is much nicer one of me. She's now feeling guilty for having lost 30 pounds since then. "Oh, my face isn't as chubby now... sorry!" Too funny, the things she worries about.

I'm just seeing this post now. You've actually hit on many of the key issues. It's almost like you know this guy! I just didn't appreciate the way he tried to manipulate me. Treat me like an adult, dude. Call, or send an email that says, "Listen, we're in a bind, and would really appreciate it if you could help. Unfortunately, there's no money left in the budget this year, so if it's too much to ask, I'd totally understand. One way or another, we'll figure something out, but I thought it was worth a shot to try you first." Boom. I'm there. Done. As I think about it, he didn't really have to ask what my fees would normally be, nor did he have to offer to pay me out of his own pocket. He just needed to treat me like an adult, and not try to guilt me into it. The thing is, I've kind of "asked for it" (if you will), because I did the Santa thing either entirely for free or for a small fee that was donated directly to a designated charity for 10 years or more. It's a small community, so word gets out. I think his assumption was that I was still doing it strictly for charitable purposes, and thus I probably would be happy to help his charity of choice... and his business publicity event... as well. In reality, that assumption on his part it still somewhat true. Last year, I did 66 events, 17 of which were for free (various community events to support children from poor families, events for the elderly, mentally challenged, etc.), and another 10 or more that were discounted heavily -- schools and preschools mostly -- or to visit a single mom with 4 kids working at Subway who can't afford to spend $25 for pics at one of my public events. But that still left quite a few corporate and family events that I was well paid for. Subtracting all of the costs involved for last year (wardrobe, accessories, 150 pounds of candy and many other giveaway items, dry cleaning, etc.), I might have come out $1,000 ahead. Then I bought a $2,700 TV for a good friend of mine from back home who had a brain aneurysm 14 years ago and now is 3/4 paralyzed and lives in his mother's and step-father's living room. It's not easy on any of them in any way, and especially not on Ken. Insurance only does so much, and they spend over $40k per year for a full time live in care taker. About all he has for entertainment is a TV, and the old one had been on the fritz for a long time. Anyway, I had no idea that I was going to do that. The mood just struck one day, so I called his mom and asked, "Santa wants to get Ken something for Christmas. What does he really need?" She said, "Nothing really... he's Ok." Then with a bit of coaxing, I got her to talk, and it really bothered her that they couldn't afford any of the "extra" stuff. So that was that. I researched it and got him a top of the line 55" Sony LCD LED, which was much better than plasmas in low light conditions. Can't expect them to live in the dark during the day for sake of his TV viewing. Done. He's a avid sports fan, and absolutely loves his new TV. He still doesn't have a clue where it came from. Santa did that. Not me, just the Santa in me. I know that I'll spend whatever money I make beyond my costs in one way or another to help someone in need. I just don't know how or why until something hits me. Several years ago, Santa gave $5,000 ($6,000 in US terms) worth of roofing materials to a family who had survived Hurricane Ivan fairly well but then had a fire caused by an electrical fault that burned the roof off of their house. Concrete block construction, so the walls still stood, but everything else was charred. They had all sorts of people willing to provide the labor, but no money for the materials. Then one day a truck pulled up, and there it was. I've never met these people, don't know their names, or even where they live. I just heard about this young family with 3 little kids from a trusted friend who does social work, and went to the lumber yard with her and their materials list in hand. To me, that's what Santa is all about. I get enough out of it just being there with the kids and watching their faces light up. That's a great reward in itself. Thankfully, I don't rely on whatever income I might be able to make by donning the suit. But for some reason, I do at least like to be able to control where and to whom (and for whatever my reasons might be), the fruits of Santa's labor might best be applied. This year, I stared out in the hole because of my over spending on Ken's TV last year relative to the small profit that Santa made during last year's season. So maybe I'll be a grinch and keep this year's profits for myself until the next time something hits me and I feel compelled to make a difference again. I find that approach much preferable to working with designated charities as I did in years past, who -- although very appreciative -- always seemed to be extremely concerned with the "how much" question, as opposed to just being happy that I was doing anything at all on their behalf.

http://vimeo.com/43510533

My mom is arriving tomorrow to resume her Mrs. Claus duties after taking a break from it last year. So I really should be cleaning the place up a bit. The guilt I was feeling was because I hate being disingenuous with people, even if that's the game they're playing with me. The reality is that he could have paid me, or at least offered to, so I really didn't appreciate the con job he was trying to pull on me. As a result, I delayed for as long as I possibly could before emailing him to say I'd be "happy" to do it, but could only stay for 45 minutes, neither of which was true. That didn't make me feel good about myself. On the other hand, had I done it for free this year, he would have tried to pull the same shit next year...

"Hey Wayne; Thank you very much for your kind act, however, considering your late response we had one of our committee members agree to be Santa. Albeit not as authentic looking as you, nevertheless, he is extremely excited about doing it. Thank you very much again! Fucktard" "Considering your late response..." Ha! I sent an email at 3pm, which is 3.5 hours before the event. Felt that was an appropriate time frame, given the amount of notice I was given. But still, I'm feeling a little guilty for some reason. Don't know why exactly.

Ok, so the down side of the Santa business... everyone expects you to show up for free to any charitable cause that they happen to support (and thus you should as well). Here's an example. Got this email on Saturday evening, 48 hours before the event (which is in 4 hours from now, and I still haven't responded, or decided...) "Hey Wayne, I hope this quick email finds you well. Frankly, I am writing to you for help. As you may be aware I assist with several charities throughout the year and Christmas time is typically the busiest time of the year. Well this year is no exception other than difficult economic times. The event I am writing on behalf of is the Sav/New Codac scheduled for Monday 17 Dec 2012 @ 6:30 pm @ the Pedro Park across from the Cayman Islands Baptist Church. Truthfully, our usual Santa unfortunately cannot make it this year due to health reasons. As a result, we desperately require a Santa to add cheer to the this event specifically organized for elderly. Our/my budget has unfortunately been exceeded due to no assistance from government and losing several benefactors that unfortunately have either gone out of business or simply cannot afford to assist in the these tough economic times. I can only imagine that it is also affecting our elderly negatively as well as the fixed income individual typically feels the pinch even more so than others. Nevertheless, I am begging you a huge favour and that is to kindly consider assisting us entertain the elderly on the aforementioned date as Santa. Many, if not all look forward to this event all year long. Regrettably, this may be the very last Christmas for many of our participants hence our desperation. In closing, I sincerely hope you say YES! However, in truth and fact, and embarrassingly so, I/we cannot afford to offer even a small financial contribution to your charity of choice as a thank you due to us having to bear the cost for the aforementioned reasons. All I can offer you is good food, great fellowship with wonderful people and a reciprocation of kindness whenever you call on me. I hope to receive a very positive response from you shortly so we can allow our blood pressure to lower. Kind Regards, (Some fuck or another who serves on the College's board of trustees with me)" I want to respond by saying: Ok, so even though you knew for months that your regular Santa (who I know, and who never does anything for free) had surgery this year and wasn't going to be available for ANY events, you still waited to the 11th hour to contact me. You're very generous with your time to all of these charities that you support. You ought to be, because you're a stinking rich spoiled brat who was born with a silver spoon in your mouth and the only reason you're involved in any of them is because you know it's good for your family businesses. You've told me so yourself several times. Why don't you at least ask me what I would normally charge? Why don't you offer to pay for my fees yourself, so that I can say, "No, but now that I see it really does mean something to you, I'll be happy to do it for free!" You're a fucking multi-millionare and so are several more people in your direct family, you fucking cunt! Why do you resort to all of these pitiful sales techniques, about how all of these old geezers will all be dead by next year, and it will be my fault somehow that they didn't get to see Santa for the 97th time in their lives? Do you realize that as an ex-pat who has lived here for 16 years, I've yet to be invited by any of these old folks to come to their houses for dinner? Or any Caymanians for that matter, even though I've had them to my place scores of times for listening nights and movie nights, pizza, beer, and what have you... Do you think that maybe this is because, quite frankly, none of these old folks give one shit about me, and would prefer that they could have their place to themselves again, like the good old days? That no matter what I might do for the community, I'll never get as much as a thank you card? That I've done a dozen such events like this one as Santa, year after year, and the event organizers don't even have the decency to be prepared for my arrival? That sometimes I need to sit 30 feet away from 200 children as they stare at me from the other side of a fence for 30 minutes while the local politicians give their speeches? Why? Because they don't have enough sense to stop the program (that they started late) to let Santa do his thing when he shows up -- for free -- and right on time! Have you considered the possibility that maybe a phone call would have been better than a "guilt you into it" email? I could go on but I won't. No, wait a minute... one more thing... Fuck his blood pressure! I need to worry about mine! But I'll do the stupid event anyway... I'm too much of a pussy to just completely blow it off. What really gets me is that he doesn't even mention how much time he "needs" me to be there for! I'll bet dollars for doughnuts that it's a minimum of 2 hours, and probably 3 hours! What they're going to get is 30-45 minutes and an excuse/lie that I need to get to another event. Mostly I'm just mad because my schedule is free today, and it was otherwise the ONLY day in the entire month that I had no Santa events. I love it, but it does get exhausting about this time with 53 events under my belt and 29 to go. Good food! Like I can't afford to go to KFC to buy my own bucket of chicken... that's one of his businesses, and I'd be shocked if they feed the old folks anything but... not enough other "benefactors" my ass. Like KFC can't afford to stroke me a check for a couple hundred bucks for what is essentially a PR event for them. But we serve on the same board, and this is how the game is played here, so I won't call him out on his nonsense.

Oh, I'm pretty sure it was real. They had their hands all over each other's breasts (over the clothes, of course), once the event was over and we were just chatting. They were taking turns, two at a time, in the Santa throne, while the other took pics. They seemed comfortable with each other...

Still no call from the boobie cocoon trio. I'm beginning to think they were just yanking on Santa's nut sack.

Great that you guys could get together and hang out for a while. Awesome gesture, Mike, it's a great example of the spirit of this community.

There you go again with that again!!! (I can't add smiley faces for some reason... penis reference above).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_0HWhp31GIE

I don't think it's a problem that can ever be fixed. Ever. This kind of thing will happen no matter what you try to do to prevent it. Sadly. It's just something that we have to deal with as part of the human condition.

The world's shortest bedtime story. The end.

The evidence he provided tells us nothing except that there was one terrible incident 16 years ago and none since. There were also hundreds of years prior to that one terrible incident in his country with no such occurrences (or so I presume). I'm not a statistician, but how can we attribute causality to that particular change in the law? At least not based only on the facts he presented.

Actually, I think I just want to fuck the hot chick, but still no ringy dingy from any of these crazy girls. A couple of minutes after we departed company, and as I got to my SUV in the under-building parking lot, one of the 6s walked past me, so I kind of chuckled to acknowledge her presence as she walked on, and laughing said, "Boobie cocoon" while shaking my head. She said, "Oh, you can laugh, but I can assure you that it's real!" Not that I had any doubts. But still no call...

I just feel totally sickened by this, and my heart goes out to all of the victims and their families. I don't really care one way or another about gun control. I don't own any guns, nor do I have a desire to, but understand that others do. If only we could stick a fork in someone a get a measurement of their sick-fuck-edness, like we get temps of turkeys on Thanksgiving Day, then we could vaporize them in some cruel way before they exert their cowardice.

Boobies-wise, they were perfectly fine, and as best I can tell, that's all they seemed to be offering or even suggesting anyway.

If I could ditch the other two after the boobie cocoon and have a full round with the cutie pie Caymanian girl (and a rare one at that), I know for sure that I'd be willing to answer that bell.

Forgot to mention... I got my $100 from the West Bay police department today as well. It was actually $150, which they were quite honest about. There is a $50 court cost that you have to pay whether you go to court to fight the ticket or not. It's in the small print on the back of the ticket, they tell me. They didn't think I should be out of pocket anything at all. Didn't get a chance to talk to Sergent Williams, but I'll see him on Sunday. Event on!

It was near the end of a 2-hour very public Santa gig that I do every Thursday night, and there had been an unually high concentration of screaming babies. It was also a bit hot, so my cooling vests were on their last leg, and my mind was starting to wander. Then as I looked up, three youngish (to me anyway) women in their late 20s or early 30s approached me, all giddy and full of "inside joke" kind of laughter. They immediately started to get quite "fresh" with Santa, one on each knee (which is fine) but rubbing up on me in somewhat inappropriate ways, and the banter was right in step with their physicalness. Not that I minded so much, it was a welcome break from the routine, especially on this night. Some of those babies were like worms, kicking and screaming. Lots of sweet, innocent moments as well with angelic children, but that aside, this trio was shaping up to a quite interesting photo session. The photographer was going along with it as well, and probably couldn't hear half of what they were saying. Oddly enough, I didn't even notice them as they had stood in line. Just, boom! There they were, and they were all about Santa. Or so I thought. But apparently, they enjoy each other's company as well. More on that in a moment. But first, when I asked them what they wanted for Christmas, the least attractive of the three (and she wasn't half bad for a Thursday night) looked at the other two and asked, "Should I tell him?" They nodded, so she did. Not surprisingly, she wanted to get some pics with Santa pretending to (or actually, I'm not so sure which), spank her. I quickly declined, saying, "Sorry, I don't do anything like that. It will get all over Facebook, and I've got hundreds of Santa friends who will disapprove..." They thought that was kind of funny (I do too, when I think about it), but I assured them that it was true. So back to the little kids we go. We were actually running overtime. It was 7:10pm and I graciously agreed to hang around for the remaining 3 or 4 families with young'uns who were still in line. Behind the cameraman, off in the distance a bit, the three of them were hanging on, frolicking around with each other, and taking pics of odd poses on a bench that is made to look like a polar bear. I didn't think much of it, but would learn quickly that they were waiting for me! Now everyone is packing up, the props crew is knocking down the steal-able bits on the set, and the photo crew was taking down their portable lighting, while I was packing the candy bag away inside the toy bag, putting my royal robe back on and grabbing Rudolph's neck harness to head back to the SUV/sleigh. Now the conversation gets interesting. They all have boyfriends, and at least one of them isn't a half bad guy according to the others. He dates the real stunner, a Caymanian girl, who I was kind of taking a liking to. Tall and slim, beautiful smile. Definitely the pick of the litter... But he's too Churchy for her taste, and her other friends think that he's waiting for her to lure him into sin. She vows not to do so, which is to say that although he's quite interested in her sexually, he's yet to make the move. Now I guess I'm supposed to be a counselor?!?! No, as it turns out, that's not the point they intended to make. It seems that they noticed that I noticed her as well, and think that she... all of them, actually... have noticed that I might just have a little naughtiness up my sleeve somewhere, something they now wish to explore. Well, it didn't take long until they just came right out with it, that despite their "straight" nature, each of them they assured me, they are very close friends, and have come up with this fun game that they now like to play along with a 4th young lady who was unfortunately not in plain view for my evaluation. Yet, they assured me that she's every bit as cute as they are, and we're talking a 9 and two 6s. In any event, they've coined the term "boobie cocoon" (yes, there is a payoff to this long story, or so I'm now hoping). As you might imagine, this game they play involves anywhere from 6 to 8 boobies, and they're trying to recruit another pair or two in the near future. Said boobies are rubbed every which way to the carnal delight of some lucky recipient, mostly themselves. Sounding more and more interesting, and perhaps "worth the wear and tear" as Mick Jaggar once sang (credit "Some Girls"), so I provided them with one of my "adult" Santa cards (not what you're thinking, just a card with my cell number and email address), and encouraged them to call me soon. I've been home for several hours now; it doesn't seem to be happening tonight. What's most interesting is that none of them seemed to know me. They thought that surely I wasn't local, or they would have seen me around the place by now, and figured that they "flew me in" to be Santa... hopefully they won't sniff around too much, and then start getting shy all of a sudden. I may or may not actually go through with it. My loins say yes, but they're all very local and even more vocal. Not so sure I'd want to take the reputational risk, speaking as Santa now, not as merely an old fat guy who would never otherwise have a chance to come to bat in a triple header... not to mention to boobie cocoon, which they claim is outright intergallactic - it was weird, they all actually spoke with very strange words, big words. I think they've had many conversations about this topic - not the Santa aspect - but just the general experience that they like to 'share' with one another.

Best Christmas decoration ever... Got this as an email today. Accompanying text: "Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories, but two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost had an accident when they drove by. Second, a 55 year-old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder and almost killed herself putting it against my house because the old broad didn't realize he was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard." I'm not so sure about the 55 year-old lady being an "old broad" but maybe I'm showing my age...

I could actually hear that! "I take you for nice meal..." Laughter now causing a little tearing.