Knuckledragger

In spite of the above, I spent much of the weekend shooting with the 5D IV. It's quite a beast. The 100% viewfinder is really something. Being me, I dug out a big chunk of my manual focus glass collection and began taking pictures of stationary objects. I make no secret of the fact that I am not greatly impressed with flower macros. Bottles on the other hand, I find highly amusing. Long time readers will know of my interest in old manual lenses with an excessive number of aperture blades. These lenses allow for precise "bokeh shaping" of the OOF area of a photo I'm starting with the king of them all here, the Russian made Tair 11a 135mm F/2.8, which has 22 aperture blades. I don't know of a widely produced 35mm lens with more. This shot was taken around F8. I say "around" because like most of my old manuals, the Tair doesn't have F-stops. The aperture ring spins freely throughout its range. I should say "freely" as the ring is quite stiff on my copy, particularly past F/8. To be fair to it, I dropped it in 2008 and it's never been the same since. Being old, Russian and probably afflicted with some haze, the Tair is not a contrast king. I'd not shoot film through it, but with digital imaging it's a trivia task to adjust the levels in Photoshop. Next in line is the massive Meyer-Optik Orestegor 300mm F/4 and it's 19 blade aperture. The 300 is 5 pounds by itself and the 5D with a battery grip is not exactly light either. I cannot handhold the combination steadily enough to take photos with it. I ended up bracing the 300mm against a fence post and framing as best I could. This shot was also taken around F/8. I had to bump the ISO up to 1600 to get a sufficiently high shutter speed. With the 300, I always observe the "one over focal length" rule even with the lens is supported. My Orestegor copy has visible haze and fungus in it (sad) so I always have to edit photos taken with it. This one was relatively easy to clean up. As is the case with most of these old lenses, it's quite sharp stopped down. The same bottle gets boring after a bit, so I used my mid 1950s Praktica F. X 2 35mm SLR as a subject. Taken with the Tair 11A, around F/8. If the camera looks kind of grubby in this photo, that's because it is. I took this shot after I spent considerable time cleaning it with a toothbrush. I only ever put one roll of film through the F.X 2, and got like 3 usable shots out of it. I love old lenses. Old SLRs, not so much. Attached to the F.X 2 is an E. Ludwig Meritar 50mm F/2.9, which was the "kit lens" for this camera when it was new. I've never used the Meritar much. I have a bunch of 50s and for me it's not a particularly interesting focal length. I did attach the Meritar to my 5D IV briefly. More on that later, maybe. I have been photographing bottles on Marthas Vineyard for a long time, using a large variety of lenses and cameras: The reason I bought the Praktica F.X 2 in 2007 was not for the little 50mm Meritar. Also included in the auction was a Meyer-Optik Orestor 135mm F/2.8, which has a 15 blade aperture. It's the lens that got me started on collecting old manuals. I took this shot in the spring of 2008. The Orestor was around F/8 (there seems to be a pattern here), on a Canon Rebel G film SLR using expired Kodak Portra 400UC. I had minimal idea what I was doing here. I should have set the EV down by a third of a stop ...or a half, I don't think the Rebel G did thirds of a stop. The worst thing about color print film is that it's such a crapshoot. I took this on 06/07/08 - 4:30PM (as my notes say), with Kodak Gold 200 AKA one of the most meh film stocks imaginable. In this instances, the Gold 200 decided to one up its much more expensive sibling. This shot has a wonderfully dreamy quality too it. Lens was once again the Orestor 135mm. I have no idea about exposure settings. My notes for my earliest rolls of film are spotty at best. This is a fact that comes back to bite me in the ass repeatedly. Facing the other direction for once, with a neatly shaped bottle. Taken in the spring of 2009 with my 30D and humble 35mm F/2. This was not long before an idiot knocked that combination off a table in a nightclub and broke the 35mm's AF motor. I've used it as a manual focus lens for 14 years now. Going out with a bang here. 10/06/08 - 11:53AM. 135mm Orestor at F/5, 125th. Canon Rebel K2 with Fuji Velvia 50. Cropped to 5:4 but otherwise unedited. When I list of the things in my life that I have encountered that lived up to and even exceeded the hype (Citizen Kane, Tapatio Hot Sauce, Canon 85mm F/1.2L, Biosphere's Substrata, Fuji Velvia 50) I am not fucking kidding. Velvia 50 absolute smokes every other color film stock on the planet. The way it renders blues and purples makes digital cameras look like toys. It's ISO 50 and mercilessly unforgiving about exposure tolerances. It was dearly expensive 15 years ago and even more pricey now. It has no peers. The cobalt blue bottle speaks for itself. Later I'll do a post of a bunch of V50 shots I took in 2008. Right now I have to contact the seller of the 5D IV I bought and tell him he bent a CF card slot pin.

As I have said before, I find the perspective distortion brought on by the wide angle lenses on smrtphnes to be greatly disconcerting. Nice doggo, however.

Oh dear. Today has been one of bad discoveries. First off, the 5D IV is running ancient firmware. After much banging of head against various objects, I managed to go from 1.17 to 1.4. I still cannot get the (gosh darn) Canon EOS utility for MacOS to connect to the 5D via USB. I was able to connect the 5D to my WiFi network and get things working that way. While all of the above has been stressful and headache inducing, it pales in comparison to this afternoon's discovery. Since yesterday I have tried every single one of my many CF cards with the 5D. It has rejected all of them. At first I wasn't too surprised as my CF cards are old and older. My cranky old 30D doesn't like most of them. My ID 5D classic is less picky. I now know why the 5D IV doesn't like any of them: It has a bent bin. The paste eating absolute chucklefuck previous owner shoved a card in the wrong way and either never noticed or never told anyone. I'm now weighing my options about whether or not I want to keep this camera. I still have not successfully gotten app that will report the camera's shutter actuation count. It's looking like I'm going to have to pursue that on (shudder) Windows.

I mean sure, no piece of camera gear with make one a good photographer. Camera bodies notwithstanding for a second there is something important to note here. Otters are a lot like birds: Small, fast moving and easily spooked. Otters offer the additional challenge of being under the water most of the time they're in it. To even attempt capturing one, I'd need a 400mm or longer lens on a full frame sensor. Truthfully I'd probably do better with a 500mm or 600m. Canon makes some killer primes in those focal lengths, and they each cost as much as a decent used car (400/2.8 is $12K; 500/4 is $9K; 600/4 is $13K; there's a 1200mm F/8 that's $20K.) There is a reason, in spite of living next to a hotbed of avian and aquatic (and aquatic avian) activity, I don't try to be a nature photographer. I actually did try to capture the otter, with my manual Meyer-Optic 30mm F/4 Orestegor. Handheld with no tripod: That row of bubbles is his doing. You'll have to trust me on this one as I managed exactly zero photos of him with his head out of the water.

It has been quite a couple of days. I awoke yesterday to a message from eBay saying the shipment of my 5D Mark IV was undeliverable because of an incomplete address and was being sent back to the seller. I skipped coffee and went to the post office. I waited in line and the very nice lady behind the counter told me that said error message was auto-generated by the system and my package would arrive that afternoon or the next day (today). Back at home I received several worried emails and a phone call from the seller. He was well meaning, but of questionable competence. He had a representative from the USPS on speakerphone and had me explain what I knew. I told him I'd contact him when I received the package. Well, today the package arrived. That's an EOS 5D Mark IV, battery and charger, BG-E20 battery grip, and an EF 85mm F/1.8 lens. Each item is carefully covered in bubble wrap but then left loose to rattle around in the box while being shipped from Mississippi. There was no filler in the box at all. No packing peanuts, no expanding foam. Not even an old T-shirt. I would pack an AM radio better to ship it cross town, never mind a couple grand in camera equipment cross country. I gingerly unpacked everything and there were no obvious marks. The battery was dead so I put it on the charger. I attached the 85mm F/1.8 and tried to focus. I couldn't hit infinity focus to save my life. I attached my OG 50mm F/1.8 (not the STM, but the original 1986 model.) Same deal. I tried my totally manual focus 135mm F/2.8 Orestor. Could not hit infinity focus. I took the lens off and inspected the focus scree and mirror. Both seemed fine and not broken or otherwise detached. Hours and minutes crept by as I waited for the battery to charge. I got several emails from eBay and the seller. I ignored all of them. To make sure I wasn't losing (what was left of) my mind, I dug out my Rebel K2 film body and attached all of the above mentioned lenses to it. All hit infinity focus just fine, including the new 85mm. I wondered if there was some kind of internal viewfinder calibration that the 5D IV does upon boot. Certainly it's possible that something got knocked the fuck out of alignment by the bumpy ride from MI. Finally the battery charged. I then had to face the battery grip. I've never used one before. Getting the batteries seated in it was much harder than I imagined. I considered removing the grip (as I only had one battery) and using the camera without it. It was then that I discovered that the seller has neglected to include the battery door. Canon cameras do not function without one. That means I'm married to the battery grip until I get a replacement. I managed to get the battery seated correctly in the grip, at least. Next task was the memory card. I tried ...seven CF cards, all of which are old but of good pedigree (SD Ultra and Extreme series, plus one Delkin Devices.) 5D IV rejected every single one of them. Worried, I dug up a ghetto AF Walmart "Onn" branded SD card I bought on deep discount years ago. IV liked it just fine. Then I began going through my lenses. The viewfinder was now magically working. 50mm F/1.8 Mk I was happy. 35mm F/2 has had a broken AF motor since 2009 thanks to a clumsy drunk, but I was able to manually focus and meter with it. 135mm Orestor now showed infinity focus in the viewfinder just fine. The 85mm F/1.8 also worked. Much fussing (setting time/date, turning off RAW, etc.) later and the camera works more or less as described. Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by incompetence. While this drama has been unfolding, a cute little otter has been swimming around Jernegan pond in my back yard. He pops his head up, dives and then a series of air bubbles reflect his path through the water. It's like an aquatic version of Bugs Bunny. I have failed to get a single picture of him, but he's provided considerable amusement while I've struggled with camera gear.

Click for slightly larger.

Jerome Isma-ae - Mellow Yellow Tracks (1998), vinyl. I haven't heard this release in probably 20 years. The DHP Mix of Flu Bassoon is on a bunch of CD compilations from the early 00s. It's often listed with no remix title. I know, because my obsessive ass has tracked down most of them. The DHP Mix is very up energy as far as deep house goes. It's more than a bit of an earworm. In my estimation, it pales compared to the original. The original mix is much more subdued and less obvious than the original. It's also only on this damn piece of vinyl. I picked up my copy around the turn of the millennium. While it never precisely went missing, I didn't have immediate access to it for a very long time. I carefully stored it along with a number of irreplaceable bits of vinyl in a secondary record bag I got ages ago. I just discovered it today while looking for ...something else entirely. I dropped it on the platter of the mini setup I assembled in my bedroom. I really need to get around to digitizing this record. It straight up does not exist in the information age. EDIT: Apparently it DOES exist now. Silly record label finally got their act together.

OOF. Found the first real casualty of moving today: That's a bootleg house remix of Air's "All I Need" that is now utterly destroyed. The bootleg mix is not on YT, of course. I don't really buy vinyl anymore (I own ~2K records and don't use them for DJing) but this is one I'm going to make a point to replace. Hopefully Discogs (bless its heart) doesn't block the sale of it on their marketplace.

That is certainly some wiring voodoo.

Neat.

I showed amazing restraint today. This sold for just over $400 shipped. 5D Mk II, 80K shutter activations, a pile of memory cards, SIX (5 pictured) batteries, two chargers, cables etc. Guy also had a 40mm pancake, a tripod slide mount thing and some other kit. All of his auctions ended this morning, when no one was around. I resisted bidding on any of it. I've set my sights on a 5D Mk IV and am sidestepping the alarmingly cheap 5DIIIs and 1DxIIs, no matter how tempting they might be. Tonight. Tonight there's gonna be some shit.

Oh, man. We got a live one here. FBI agents shoot and kill Utah man accused of making threats against Biden. I don't cheer when the FBI kills ...anybody, really. With that said, this guy was going for (in the parlance of our times) FAFO speedrun any% world record. With a side order of Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes. *Glossary: FAFO: Fuck Around, Find Out Speedrun: A term originating in video games, meaning beating the game as fast as possible. Now adapted to any task. Any%: Reaching the finish line in a game (or any other task) cutting any possible corners to get there as quickly as possible. Opposite of 100%ing. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes: Exactly what it sounds like.

The latest from Schizophrenic Audio Works.

Speaking of rabbit holes, I've been catching up on Canon digital bodies. I only have ever owned two: The EOS30D, which I got new in 2006. It was never a good model and has aged like a fruit salad. In 2012 I bought an IR-modified 5D (a 2005 model), now called a "5D Classic" and it has aged like a fine wine. I've read up on the mirrorless bodies and while they're quite neat and definitely the future, there's two things I don't like about them. First, they're not as good for manual focusing as an SLR. As I have mentioned, I have a rather large assortment of manual lenses and am shopping for more. The second is that the R series too damn expensive. Older digital bodies can be remarkably affordable. The 5D classic is a downright bargain. The 5D II, a camera I never particularly liked, isn't that much more. The 2012 5D III is possibly the best deal going in terms of price to performance. Weirdly, the 1DX Mk II, which was $6500 new, is an absolute steal on the used market. The 1D has all the pro body strengths/weaknesses. It's built like a tank and slightly heavier. It uses great batteries that are insanely expensive. It doesn't have a flip out screen because those aren't durable. It's weather sealed so attaching L glass to it makes for a resilient camera. All of the above has lead me to the conclusion that my next body is going to be a used 5D Mark IV. The biggest selling point to me over the 5D IV over all of the others (including the 1DX II) is that it has the best dynamic range. I have never once thought "Gee, this photo has too much dynamic range." Half of my battles in photography are try to juggling the highlights and shadow details. The 'bay in 2023 is a fascinating hellscape. The enshittification of that site is real. Sponsored ads fucking all over the place. Obvious scam accounts posting screenshots from other auctions everywhere. Scam accounts buying sponsored ads and eBay doing nothing but collecting the money. The funny and sad thing here is that Canon DSLRs aren't even the main focus of camera scammers. That would be the excellent Fuji 100 series of compact cameras. Apparently some Kardashian or other cancerous influencer name dropped a Fuji 100 a while ago and now an entire generation of human blisters on Instagram and Tik Tok have driven the prices of them up through the stratosphere. The Fuji X100 is now selling for more than it did new. We really do deserve to go extinct as a speci.... UH I MEAN, there are a number of listings for the 5D Mark IV. One guy is selling his with a battery grip and an 85mm F/1.8, which is a mighty fine lens. It's no 85L, but nothing on earth is. Also I've never actually owned an 85mm prime, which is odd given ...my entire history as a photographer. The battery grip will let me cosplay as a 1DX owner. All of the wrist pain for a fraction of the price.

Damn, dude. No lip syncing here.

Via this Zillow listing for possibly the least cozy looking house I've seen in my life. That's a Clearaudio Statement being used as a backup turntable.

Remember when I posted in Jacob's Mindless Mindlessing a few months back about picking up a Marantz PM7001 integrated amp for $40 (about a buck a pound) at the local second hand shop? It's been sitting on top of my dresser ever since, largely ignored. Yesterday I dug up one of the pair of Technics SL-1200 M3Ds I bought in late 2000 when I had notions of being a DJ. I've been going through the several thousand records I've accrued in the last 35 years this week. It turns out that it's handy to be able to listen to a few of them to figure out WTF they actually are. The M3D is almost too big to sit on the Marantz. Barely visible on either side are a pair of Rat Shack Minimus 7Ws I got from the same second hand shop. It's not exactly a high fidelity setup, but works. Sitting on the platter is the picture disc re-issue of AFX's Analord 10.

I've gone (back) down the rabbit hole of Soviet era M42 lenses. I did this once before, in the mid 00s. Back then everything was much cheaper and the world was less on fire. Now we have Putin making a mess for everyone including himself. Also DSLRs shoot video and a legion of would be cinematographers have driven up the price of old manual focus glass to a prices that butt up against modern AF lenses. In the late 90s, I worked for an elite and famous ivy league school in the media center. I was the only person on staff who had a clue about sound. I had to work with a professional sound company to do the commencement every year. The main guy at that company told me that "vidiots" were the worst part of being a sound engineer. He had a laundry list of sins that video production people committed in the field and was able to point out half a dozen of them from our perch in sound booth. I'm not saying it's entirely justified, but I've had a 25 year prejudice against video production people ever since. What they've done to the price of old manual lenses has not improved my disposition toward them at all. First, I'm glad I got the lenses that I have when I did. The Meyer/Pentacon Orestors and Orestegors have gone up hugely in price. The Tair and Sonnars even moreso. I never bought the gargantuan Jupiter 85mm F/1.5 and ...I'm totally okay with that. It was an overpriced and underperforming boat anchor of a lens at $250. At $600 it's a joke. (As an aside, other than the legendary Canon 85L, I don't think too much of most superfast lenses. Giant apertures aren't that interesting to me.) I the post above I talked about the nutball Janpol enlargement lens. There are a bunch for sale on the 'Bay. I will be picking one up ...eventually. Currently I've been reading up on the Soviet made Helios 44 series of 58mm lenses. At least I think they're all 58mms. It's a large series of lenses made over decades, at 3 different manufacturing plants. Most are M42 mount. A few early versions are M39. In spite of the clickbaity title, this short video is a good primer: I'm sure I don't want a 44M-4. The 44-2 (depending on which version) is a fine lens with a lot of character. Supposedly the 44M-2 has superior bokeh. Finding a reputable seller offering a clean copy of either at this point and time is a nontrivial task. This page covers the relative strengths and weaknesses of the 44-2. The bokeh it produces really is nuts: Supposedly, the 44M's bokeh is superior. To paraphrase the late, great Bill Hicks, being a resident of the "complete realm of sanity and reason" that I am, I want both the 44M-2 and the 44-2. Don't be surprised if I have another half dozen manual lenses by fall.