slow forum

*Knuckledragger* · March 24, 2010

The message you have entered is freakin' me out, man. You are freakin' out (((man)))

*Knuckledragger* · March 24, 2010

NSFW. Turn down your speakers, this damn thing is loud. Heavy on the 0_o and the WTF.

Holy shit watch this: The red band trailer for "A Serbian Film" is the most insane thing ever [i Heart Movies] | I Heart Chaos

*Knuckledragger* · March 25, 2010

*archosman* · March 25, 2010

Ever had one of those days?

*Knuckledragger* · March 25, 2010

Trufax: I had this issue of Audio magazine when I when it came out. I remember reading this article when I was 17.

*Knuckledragger* · March 25, 2010

The message you have entered contains a bad kitty.

*Knuckledragger* · March 25, 2010

The message you have entered is too short. They never had these when I was a kid.

*Knuckledragger* · March 25, 2010

As I type this, I am in fact on a boat.

*Hopstretch* · March 25, 2010

Cry-oh-no!

A letter from Michael.

My senior year of college opened with the customary research projects, grad school applications, and the like. But that all changed two months ago. Some of you may have heard rumors of some bizarre accident that I was involved in. Here is the truth, unabridged, for those who actually want to know.

In the second week of school, the society of physics students held a roughly annual welcome back party. As tradition dictates, we made our own ice cream with liquid nitrogen, 77� Kelvin, as a refrigerant and aerator. We spilled a little liquid nitrogen onto a table and watched the tiny little drops dance around. Someone asked, "Why does it do that?" That may have been the point of no return.

As is traditionally my role, I answered that the nitrogen evaporates at the surface of the table, which creates a cushion of air for the drop to sit on, and thermally insulates the drop, which minimizes further evaporation. That's why a drop dances around without boiling, without touching the table, and without spreading out like a pool of water.

Then I continued. I mentioned that the very same principle makes it possible to dip one's wet hand into molten lead, or drink liquid nitrogen without injury. I had done the latter several years earlier in a cryogenics lab, and remembered the physics of how it worked.

Naturally those around me were skeptical. "It will freeze your whole body. Remember Terminator 2?" But I was sure of myself. I had done it before, and I believed in the physics behind it. So I unhesitatingly poured myself a glass and took a shot. Simple. Swallow, blow smoke out my nose, impress everyone.

Within two seconds, I collapsed to the floor, unable to breathe or indeed do anything except feel intense pain. The ambulance arrived. The police arrived. The journey to the hospital. The attempt to explain to baffled ER staff how something like this could happen. Then I passed out.

I woke up the next morning connected to beeping machines. It turns out that, in accordance with popular belief, you really should not drink liquid nitrogen.

I subsequently learned a few things about liquid nitrogen. While you can safely hold it in your mouth and blow neat smoke patterns, you should never, ever swallow. The closed epiglottis prevents the gas from escaping, so expanding gas is forced into your body. And your esophagus naturally constricts around anything inside it, so even though there is a thin protective gas layer, the esophagus will manage to make contact with the liquid nitrogen.

I also learned that my memory was flawed. When I had done the trick six years ago, I put it into my mouth and didn't swallow. Over time, that fine line between parlor trick and fatal accident must have blurred.

I was badly burned from epiglottis to stomach bottom. The gas expanded to fill my chest cavity, and the pressure collapsed a lung. After what I'm told was a grueling all-night surgery, they removed part of my stomach and ran my entire digestive system on a machine. I was on a breather for a day until my lung was restored. There are a few considerably uglier details which I will spare you.

They were impressed with my recuperative skills. I could breathe on my own after a few days. I could sit up in bed after a week, and was walking and eating in two. At eight weeks, I'm virtually healed except for a number of unsightly scars.

And there's good news! I am the first documented medical case of a cryogenic ingestion. Read the New England Journal of Medicine. Three articles are in review now, and will be published soon.

My little adventure leaves me with the nickname Nitro-Mike, a tendency to tell bad physics jokes at department meetings, and an occasional blurb in the school paper. "Let's make Mikey drink it. Hey! Mikey likes it!"

*Hopstretch* · March 25, 2010

There's a simple way to find out. Don't you work at a university?

*Grahame* · March 25, 2010

TSA: Service Animals

Monkey Helpers

[*]When a service monkey is being transported in a carrier, the monkey must be removed from the carrier by the handler prior to screening,

[*]The service monkey must be controlled by the handler throughout the screening process.

[*]The service monkey handler should carry the monkey through the walk through metal detector while the monkey remains on a leash.

[*]When the handler and service monkey go through the walk through metal detector and the detector alarms, both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening.

[*]Since service monkeys may likely draw attention, the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on. Only the handler will touch or interact with the service monkey.

[*]Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey during the screening process.

[*]Security Officers will conduct a visual inspection on the service monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.

[*]The inspection process may require that the handler to take off the monkey

The Monkey · March 26, 2010

Duly noted.

*archosman* · March 26, 2010

NSFW. Turn down your speakers, this damn thing is loud. Heavy on the 0_o and the WTF.

Let me go ahead and give away the film.

A retired porn star who is having money troubles is approached by a director with a windfall of money to do one last film. When he finds out what he wants he declines but is drugged and ends up doing it anyway. He wakes up 4 days later and starts to remember what happened - which contains...

- a woman has her teeth pulled out and is forced to perform fellatio on a man with her bloodied mouth until she chokes to death on her own blood.

- a woman gives birth to a child and the newborn child is immediately raped and sodomized to death.

Does that really sound like a good movie to anyone? Holy shit what was the director thinking when he made this garbage?

I'm all for 1st amendment rights, but there is a point that you can cross where that goes out the window with me.