Wmcmanus

Thanks for all of the advice, guys. I think I'll give it some thought in the off season, and will probably implement a cancellation policy beginning next year. A lot of Santas (and other performers) also use written contracts, but other than for the Ritz (who insisted on one) nobody in Cayman has ever asked for one. I do technically need a Trade & Business License to operate (since I charge for my services), but only Government entities (libraries and public schools) have ever asked about that, since it's a requirement they must meet in their payment process. In addition, a lot of Santas pay to get a background check done every year and have insurance that covers them up to a million dollars per incident (i.e., you drop some kid who cracks his or her head open). I've held off on most of these types of "business" aspects of being Santa (as well as getting a website or doing any local promoting/advertising) because at heart I still think of myself as a hobbyist. Or at least I don't want to lose that sense of just being out there for the kids, to have a lot of fun, and to spread joy. But on the other hand, I don't want to be perceived as a "hack" so some of these types of things would actually help in terms of making what I do even that much more professional. On the other side of it, I've had some amazing experiences as Santa and some clients who are just incredibly generous and appreciate. There is one family that has hired me for about 10-12 years now, dating back to when I wouldn't take any money from anybody for any reason (not even from corporate clients). My thinking hadn't yet "evolved" at that point! I used to do it JUST for the kids, even though it cost quite a bit each year for candy, giveaway items, small toys, and wardrobe items. So they would give me a bottle of rum because they just couldn't let me leave empty handed. Then for several years, I would ask them to write a check for $50 to a designated charity which rotated each year (and led to nothing but headaches from the charities to be honest). Then one year, all of the lady's sons and son in laws matched her $50 check, so the charity got $300 that year. Then eventually I became my own designated charity, but they still give me anywhere from $200 to $300 each year for a 1 hour visit, and usually a bottle of wine or scotch. When the grandmother who hosts that event calls to schedule now, we have a chat like old friends and neither of us ever even mentions how much my fee will be. Then I had the lady who was staying at the Ritz a couple of years ago who insisted that she give me a Christmas gift, and wanted to know what I wanted. I told her that the only thing I wanted, which I had already bought for myself, was a new Santa suit. She then insisted on seeing pictures of it, and then when she saw the pics insisted that she paid for it. Her husband gave her permission so she wrote me a check for $2,000 in addition to the fee that she had previously agreed on! Her husband told me as he walked me out of the hotel that he was just happy that I didn't tell her I wanted a car! So those kinds of things live on in my memory and make me feel unbelievably blessed to have this opportunity each year to serve humanity in a very special way for about a month, being a rock star everywhere I go and watching kids get totally wrapped up in it. Even at the grocery stores and at gas stations and in airports, and even when I'm wearing "Santa casual" clothes, there are moments in every day that make it all worthwhile (despite an occasional cancellation due to rain, or dealing with an idiot event coordinator who thinks I should cancel other scheduled events to meet her ever changing needs).

Indulge me, if you will, by giving this at least a quick scan. Did a quick touch up bleaching session, followed by the routine hair care treatments that follow (shampoo, after color treatment, and deep conditioning, then run some shower water through a small bag of ice to make extra sure that the cuticles are fully closed and I'm completely frozen from the neck up, about 45 minutes in total, moving quickly). Towel dry, apply beard oil, leave in conditioner, then add small streaks of whitener with a brush, spritz with finishing oil to give it a shine, then spray in some silver glitter to give it a sparkle, then apply hairspray to the bottom of the beard and kind of curl it under for added fullness, hit it quickly with a hairdryer on the lowest setting and held away at a safe distance so it doesn't bunch up, then tease it a bit with a brush and repeat the hairspray/blowdryer process three times to layer in the hold and shape. Twist tips of mustache, apply mega hold spiking glue, twist some more to form perfect circle curls at the tips, shape to perfection in an iterative process back and forth between heat from blowdryer and added moisture and hold from tiny extra bits of spiking glue. Then move on to applying a light base layer of stage makeup to face, cheeks and nose to smooth any skin imperfections, then use white mascara for my eyebrows and the perimeter of beard, then blend in tiny bits more of the wash out whitener where evidence of mascara is too strong. Add some "sunkist" blush to tip of nose, cheeks and forehead, blend, blend, check in mirror of other bathroom with better lighting, spritz face with barrier spray to lock in all makeup and prevent it from running due to sweat. Beard and face are now done about 45 additional minutes after finishing the bleaching cycle, so we're at 90 minutes in total. Get dressed, including making some minor adjustments to my new custom made all-in-one fat suit and cooling vest combo, and then carefully weaving an ultra thin microphone from my left ear through my beard to the corner of my mouth, all hidden away nicely by it's microscopic size and flesh tone color. Insert UE10 in left ear, hide the right UE10 driver and all of the wires in the back of my hair, plug the microphone into the small receiver for a one way communication system that allows my helper to feed me information about the kids ("Santa's magic", he knows a lot more than they think he does about them because he's wired for sound and is cheating), then plug UE10s into the transmitter for a portable PA system that allows me to broadcast my conversations with the kids to the rest of the audience. Hide all loose ends under my Santa suit, rebutton the top button, grab my gloves, wrist bells, shoulder bells, magic key, toy bag, candy bag, and royal robe, and head toward the SUV. Turn around at the door to go back for an umbrella. Get everything into the SUV, head off for the 15 minute drive to the event. Now a full 2 hours into my preparation and within a mile of arriving at the event, my cell phone rings: "Is this Santa?" "Yes, it is..." (event coordinator calling). "Sorry but we have to cancel today. It's raining." "But I thought you has a contingency plan to move it indoors." "We did too, but that room isn't available plus you know how people in Cayman don't go anywhere when it's raining..." Turn around, drive back home, undress, put everything away, get back in the shower to get the hairspray out (especially), condition hair and beard again, towel dry, reapply beard oil and leave in conditioner, look at the clock, now 3 hours have passed since I started bleaching. What to do? Hmmm... maybe it's time for a cancellation policy...

Happy birthday!

Every now and then I get a reminder about the other place when I'm on Facebook: "https://www.facebook.com/groups/headfi.org/permalink/10152935497279736/"

As Michael Jordan once said, "I'm back!" Although the kids look a lot happier than I do. It was pretty hot. I'm going to have to start curling my mustache again. It gives me a "happy face" like I'm smiling even when I'm not. That, and my smile in general isn't a big one and doesn't really show any teeth, etc.

Happy birthday 11801.

Happy birthday!!!

Louis Armstrong: Break the Internet! Before Kim Kardashian, there was Louis Armstrong in 1960, as captured in this Jack Bradley photo! "Print up a thousand of 'em" he said as soon as the photo was taken...

It's not actually me. Just a joke.

I went to the doctor today, and she says my knee is healing just fine. Relieved...

At least this year I finally gave in to the temptation that I've had now for several years to premium price my Saturdays. You really only have 3 Saturdays per season because it's hard to get companies to shift their parties back to the last Saturday in November. So this year I've been able to book multiple hour Saturday events with the two biggest law firms on Island and a really big event hosted by the Ritz Carlton, all for USD 400 per hour. Up until last year, I was still treating Saturdays like any other day and booking my time at KYD 150 (which is about USD 195), plus they were smaller events that didn't give me any particular exposure either. It's not so much about the money (although more is always good), but about "stepping up the game" and changing up the mix of events that I do such that it will be more to my liking. My favorite events are still the big grade school assemblies (think 300-500 screaming kids) and also the home visits, especially the big happy extended family gatherings. That's where my heart is at, not so much for the public events where long lines form for pictures, or the corporate events where there is a commercial aspect to it. But if I'm going to do the corporate events (less interesting to me), I might as well charge them a premium price on weekends (my billing rate for Friday nights and all day on Sundays is also up this year, but not as high as Saturdays). This then allows me to do more charitable events and deeply discounted family events (for people who don't have good jobs, but still love their kids), but I'm no longer willing to schedule any such events during the weekends. Just tonight, I told a friend, "On a Tuesday night, it will cost you either $50 or a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black. On a Saturday afternoon, it will cost you $400. Professional Santas aren't cheap, and cheap Santas aren't professional."

Ok, so after that awful conversation, she sends me an email: "What about the 14th from 3-6pm?" meaning the next day, which is a Sunday, since she now seems to understand that she can't have the 13th from 3-6pm or any other time on that day. But mind you, I talked her through my entire schedule for the month of December on the phone, including the 14th. Perhaps she wasn't listening since she was too busy yelling at me... so I reply: "I'm booked from 3-5pm on the 14th, and tentatively booked from 11am-2pm as well although that hasn't been confirmed yet. The evening hours are open on the 14th, although I know that probably won't work in Digicel's case." Her response: "Hi Wayne, I don’t understand what you mean. Are you saying you are good to go on Dec 14th from 3pm to 6pm?" I kid you not. This is an event planner... who gets paid for... planning... events.

I just got yelled at for about 15 minutes by a woman from Digicel (Jamaican-based phone company) for not being able to accommodate her 11th hour request for a 3-6pm Santa event on a freaking Saturday (December 13th). This, after she cancelled a booking that they had previously made for the prior Saturday from 12-2pm with nothing more than a "Sorry, but we're not doing a Santa event this year" email. (As in, fuck you, we're not really sorry, we're just canceling.) So now it's my fucking job to be able to read her mind 10 months in advance and reserve one of the most prime spots on my entire calendar, which was actually booked on February 12th for $400 per hour. She actually wants me to call that company and cancel their event and rebook it for her company for $175 per hour because that's what is in her budget and what she considers to be "a fair price." I was patient with her and offered every conceivable solution that I could in terms of my availability (mostly evening hours during the week at this point). But no, she wants me for her event at her rate, and expects me to fuck myself with my other clients. I'd actually have to cancel that event and shift around another event to do as she's demanded (not requested). All of this because, apparently (in her view), I should allow them to pick their date and time (and rate) because they rudely cancelled on me about 2 weeks ago with no indication whatsoever that they might be considering hosting another event at a different location, date, and time. She kept saying, "But we already made a reservation!" as if it represents a coupon of some sort that then allows them to order me around any which way they choose to. What an idiot. Plus, they made me give away those shitty little miniature candy canes last year because they were too cheap to do anything better. In the meantime, I've rebooked my time for their cancelled event on the 6th, so she's not getting that time either!

Happy birthday, Dinny!

Frisbee day?

If you drink like you did in San Jose, your excitement will shine right on through any reservations or holdbacks you now may be contemplating.

I didn't know you were a cigar aficionado, Brent.

Not sure, but MadBum looked pretty rattled out there! I think the Royals would have gotten to him by about the 23rd inning or so.

You're probably right, Doug. He was weak sauce up there, that's for sure. Looked overmatched, as he seldom does.

Then there's this:

Here's some intellectual masturbation about the odds of Gordon scoring in the bottom of the 9th with two outs. http://m.royals.mlb.com/news/article/100150646/statcast-dissecting-alex-gordons-odds-of-scoring-tying-run-in-ninth-inning-of-game-7 Just eyeballing it, it sure seemed like he made the right decision holding him up at 3rd. I'm not surprised that the data supports that as well. The only real question is whether the throw would have been accurate...