Sorry, Nate.  I didn't realize that the shock was so "special".  Cannondale make some interesting design choices on your bike.   It does sound like a new bike is your best bet.  As Brent said, the bike blowout sales start soon and there are a lot of new, exciting trail bike models.  Good luck in finding an appropriate replacement bike.
 
	My upgrade was around $600, just about what the bike is worth these days.  I viewed it more as an opportunity to learn a lot about bike maintenance.  The upgrade does fix the two big issues I had, those being a 3x drive train and the lack of a dropper post.