Your post reminded me of my own coming out story. First off, I knew my truth very early on. But I really struggled with self loathing and shame. In the time period when I grew up, it was quite the norm to denigrate the masculinity of a gay man. If you were gay, you were also a sissy, at least in the minds of the ignorant. And I too was ignorant. Therefore I was actually afraid that I was going to morph into a much more effeminate version of myself. I'm not kidding. That's what I thought was going to happen. And that caused me enormous distress. It really wasn't until I was in college and really exploring the gay lifestyle and gay clubs, bathhouses and the like, that I started to understand that wasn't a reality. Actually the reality was that the stereotypical effeminate gay male was but a small subsection of the gay community. That discovery is what allowed me to develop a sense of self worth, as ridiculous as that sounds today.
You had to grow up in that time to understand how denigrated we were then, and how we were perceived by the general public.