Two kittens are on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? Answer: The one with the lowest mu
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Answer: Ask them to pronounce the word "unionized"
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." The second chemist dies.
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A police officer pulls him over and says, "Son, do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I was..."
There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's Einstein's turn to seek, so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein, and stands in it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and immediately says, "Newton, I've found you! It's your turn to seek." Newton smiles and says, "No, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says, "We don't allow Higgs bosons in here." The Higgs boson replies, "But without me, how can you have mass?"
There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.