I think I'm finally figuring out how to take portraits.
NYC 2015 Easter Parade by Lord Nikon 12, on Flickr
Fire Hydrant Portrait by Lord Nikon 12, on Flickr
NYC 2015 Easter Parade by Lord Nikon 12, on Flickr
The trick for people is to use the 14mm lens, and get less than 2ft away. With this technique failure is impossible.
For fire hydrants, you should make some noise while at a distance of approximately 30-45ft so as not to startle the creature. Then approach slowly and in silence never breaking eye contact even for an instant. The fire hydrant can see your trepidation. If you need to look at your camera to adjust settings the Fire Hydrant knows and is laughing at you. Anyways, once you get to within shooting range of the fire hydrant, crouch down low so that you are at its eye level, and in one smooth motion bring your camera to your eye and fire. The Fire Hydrant will make a funny face if you wait too long to take its picture. I once heard a fire hydrant mutter something along the lines of "like a tourist who gets all his friends together, clears the sidewalk, and then starts to look for the camera app on his phone" to a photographer.
Seriously, Easter parade photos are up on my Flikr page. Click for all the photos
Guggenheim NYC by Lord Nikon 12, on Flickr