Muahahahahaha. That's good enough.
I have a couple buddies (brothers) who run an e-bike shop locally, so I've gotten to ride a few. This may be a little small in their largest, but I think it'd it the bill. Faraday Porteur in British Racing Green (or white, if you're one of those people) is a fun little around town bike. Definitely get the Brooks Saddle upgrade if you look at that, and all the racks.
And don't forget the important part... whisk(e)y flask holders!
https://www.ahearnecycles.com/shop/spaceman-bicycle-flask-holster
https://www.ahearnecycles.com/products/
As far as the Stretch-powered stuff, there are going to be a lot of good options. A dual suspension XC bike or maybe a nice hardtail trail bike, in 27.5+ or 29+, would probably work out well. Looking for something a bit esoteric/bike nerdy?
**BRENT**