R.I.P. Shaun Kitka!
I met my friend Shaun in 1996. He was 18, and he a several other young gay guys were leaving an underage dance club in downtown Anchorage, just as I and a friend were riding past on our bikes. He and his friends were immediately physically and verbally assaulted by two larger and older, homophobic assholes. Nothing gets me to a rage state faster than homophobic bullies! I dropped my bike and grabbed the biggest guy and started telling him what I thought of him while poking my finger into his chest quite aggressively. Two cops that were at a flop bar next door came up and pulled me away from this jerk and started detaining me, when Shaun explained what had happened. One cop actually acted like it wasn't a big deal that young gay guys were being hassled, which further pissed me off! However, the second cop was having none of that bullshit, and after explaining that putting my finger in his chest wasn't allowed, he basically ripped the two bullies a new asshole.
Shaun and his friends were very thankful for my intervention, and insisted on buying me breakfast. We all got to know each other, but Shaun and I became good friends immediately. I became a kind of pseudo Father figure. I introduced him to a long term boyfriend, and later actually moved in with him in Sacramento after that relationship ended. We got along well, but the new boyfriend didn't understand our relationship and was crazy jealous. To the point of being mean to my dog Suzy. I couldn't have that, and that's how I ended up moving to Fairfax the first time, in 2014.
It did strain our friendship some, but we did manage to keep that friendship alive, especially after he told me about his cancer diagnosis a few years ago. He called me on a regular basis. I think that he could share his fears and his hopes with me in a way that he couldn't with his boyfriend. And I think the length of our friendship provided a degree of trust and familiarity that he didn't have with anyone else. He never knew his Father, and in many ways he looked to me for that kind of relationship. I also knew his entire family, as screwed up as they were.
I last talked to Shaun two weeks ago. He sounded great. Things were going well medically, and he was really excited about a new flight simulater he was putting together. I just read about his passing today on Facebook, so it's a real shock! I've been losing siblings the last few years, and that's tough, but Shaun was 42 years old, and that's different. I had some time to prepare with my Brother. This came out of nowhere!