Another bad news, good news, good news kind of morning. :) I think you need to assume that all counsel present in LA will meet one or both of your criteria at all times, Dinny, so we need you! I hope you can come up with some last-minute way to make this work.
As for Dread and Stretch, you guys are finally thinking right. The hotel at the airport thing makes the short trip easier and I am sure that there will be couches or floor space available for the small amount of sleeping time. If Friday is a must-work day, then you hop the redeye, take sleeping pills to get some rest, arrive ready to rock Saturday morning, rage, sleep a little, rage a little more, then depart Sunday afternoon. Sleeping pills will not be needed for the flight home.
EDIT: more wordy than boo, but same idea.