boomana Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 Yes, what the title says. I need help. Apparently, the almuni committee where I work voted, and I was chosen, among a few others, to be in a dunk tank for a fund-raising event tomorrow where alumni, family, and other staff puchase balls to throw. I have just been told I am supposed to heckle the throwers. This is sooooo not my forte. The only things I can think of to say probably are what got me in the voted in the dunk tank in the first place, but hardly heckles, or else wildly inappropriate things that would guarantee I'd never be in the dunk tank again, as I would have no more job. Anyway, have at it peoples. I know this is a talented bunch. Give me your best lines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoonShine Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 Are you sure you're not left handed? Dick Cheney has better aim! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augsburger Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 I'll get back to you once the wine bar opens this evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopstretch Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! You couldn't hit your head on a low ceiling! That's actually a pretty good effort for a person with your physical limitations. Take your time, I'm up here for the next hour. Straighten arm, then release ball. Wow. You really suck. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voltron Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 Think pitching in baseball and you'll find such classics as these:Yoko Ono's got better pitch control than youI've seen better pitching in T-ball!Call the zoo, he's getting wild!You've got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date!Hey, lunch meat - keep serving that baloney!How can you throw with both hands wrapped around your neck?You couldn't pitch hot biscuits to a hungry dogI've seen a better arm on a box of baking soda!I've seen better arms on a beanbag chair! http://www.heckledep...itcher-heckles/ http://baseballtips.com/humor.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Monkey Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 FUCK YOU I'M GONNA GET OUT OF THIS TANK AND SLAP YOUR STUPID FACE YOU DIPSHIT. (too much?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audiojunkie Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 FUCK YOU I'M GONNA GET OUT OF THIS TANK AND SLAP YOUR STUPID FACE YOU DIPSHIT. (too much?) Not too much IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voltron Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 FUCK YOU I'M GONNA GET OUT OF THIS TANK AND SLAP YOUR STUPID FACE YOU DIPSHIT. (too much?) Too much what? Too much awesome? Just enough in my book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahame Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 Somewhat related This technique is known as sledging in cricket, but tends to be more specific, aimed at the particular player, rather than a general insult. leading to one of the best exchanges .... McGrath: Why are you so fat?Brandes: Because every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadphoneAddict Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." Edited November 9, 2012 by HeadphoneAddict Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutestory Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 "You couldn't hit the side of a barn with the rest of the world!" "You're a danger to yourself—not others!" "There's this concept called a 'target.' It's the thing you keep missing." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessingx Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) If it's easier just scream compliments... with a sarcastic voice. Or better yet confuse them and just scream compliments. Edited November 9, 2012 by blessingx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Chalk Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 If someone doesn't hit something soon, I'm going to reach over and dunk myself. And then you can get all dada-ist and respond in an entirely different direction: Do you kiss your mama with that mouth? Here, maybe this will help -- pretend it's your mama. Because I'd hit that. You throw like your face. This water isn't going to come up and surround me. This babe ain't dunking herself. The breeze will keep me cool, 'cause it sure as hell ain't going to be the water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grahame Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 If its a guy * you throw like a girl if its a girl * you throw like yo mamma Stephen Hawking could do better than you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swt61 Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) What's up with your wrist? Which team are you pitching for again? Edited November 9, 2012 by swt61 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Bird Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 I saw your fastball pictured on the side of a milk carton!Wake me up when I get wetI've seen better pitchers at a Tupperware party!I've seen more heat in an EZ-Bake oven!Phoenix called. They want this dry weather I've been havingWe should arrange a funeral for your dead arm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepak Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Bots coming up with zingers ftw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomana Posted November 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Okay, there are some good ones here, even though some could get me fired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crappyjones123 Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 I think you should stick with something simple and easy like, "you suck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomana Posted November 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 ^ that one could get me fired. Remember, these are former patients, their families, and even staff's families with little kids. I can't be my normal self. Weird that in my groups I can have a fouler mouth than in the dunk tank, but it is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augsburger Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Well Dinny stole my suggestion...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Monkey Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 ^ that one could get me fired. Remember, these are former patients, their families, and even staff's families with little kids. I can't be my normal self. Weird that in my groups I can have a fouler mouth than in the dunk tank, but it is what it is. So "You were in the drunk tank, now put me in the dunk tank!" would be bad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grawk Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 "You throw like a junkie" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomana Posted November 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 So "You were in the drunk tank, now put me in the dunk tank!" would be bad? "You throw like a junkie" Those are actually pretty good. I could get away with those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wink Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Your mother wears gumboots. When you were born you were so ugly, the doctor slapped your mother. You're in the wrong place, the zoo is down the road. You throw up better than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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