And now what did you do TODAY?

[Voltron]

On 1/21/2026 at 7:15 PM, n_maher said:

@Voltron I thought Red Oxx was still around??

I hope everything is alright, Marc.

I meant kick-start the HC travel team back into being, whether or not Marc has Red Oxx bags. 

[Dusty Chalk]

I feel that.  My sisters and I "sat Shiva" (not sure that's the right way to phrase it, since we're all gentiles) when my mother passed away.  It was nice -- don't know how else to phrase it.  We weren't dancing around or anything, just very...sober, for lack of a better word, but not morose or mourning.

[skullguise]

Dusty, half this family isn't Jewish, but they bought in....to celebrating Jewish family and events, as well as the Shiva mourning.  Call it Shiva or not, to me it's a good thing.

There is a lot of formality to a Shiva, many times it is not followed 100%.  Personally, I find it the beginning of healing.  Family and friends come to pay respect, connect, tell stories, and eat.  The formal period is 7 days/nights. 

When Karen passed, I was tearfully surprised by one of my two best friends flying in from California and spending all the days/nights of Shiva visiting (3 days for us).  It's that type of love and connection that helps the healing.  It's just a good thing, no matter what it's called, what religion it follows, etc.

[n_maher]

It's been a day.

Got up this morning and came downstairs to the thought, "man, it feels cold on the first floor of the house."

First call was to the boiler guy, praying that a circulation pump had crapped out overnight.  Verdict - WRONG ANSWER.  He quickly determined the boiler was doing it's thing but the pipes for the zone that heats the first floor were not.  Shit.  Phoned a friend whose husband is a plumber.  Started chasing frozen pipes a little before 11am.  Finally found the culprit at 2pm.  Had it fixed and flowing heat again by 2:30.  All told, it felt like a bargain at under $1000 given that a pipe could have burst and we've got another 10 days or so of freezing temps ahead of us.  

Still managed to make scones for Lily's best friend who slept over last night and turns 18 next week (JFC) and also still made dinner - pork chili verde with cast-iron-skillet cornbread.  There will be barrel strength bourbon in my future.  Oh and we've already got almost a foot of snow and I've cleared the driveway once.  I believe I will sleep tonight.

 

[swt61]

I was knocked on my ass today, figuratively, not literally. 

There are a few things that I'm hyper sensitive to, so I'm not really sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion. 

I'll give a little background by saying that there's a young man at work that I've grown pretty fond of. Not at all in a sexual way. He's completely straight and I'm not attracted to him in any physical way. But he's a very nice young man, with real life goals for himself. He's a very hard worker, he's kind and polite to everyone. Recently his Father decided he didn't want to be a husband or father anymore and abandoned his wife and two children, and moved back to his birth country of Ireland. 

Of course this young man was quite distressed by this and confided in me, looking for advice. There wasn't much I could actually do to ease his pain, but I gave him encouragement. I also cooked his favorite dinner (my homemade macaroni) with all the sides and fixings and dipped it off at his house. He, his Mom and his Sister all thanked me profusely and I got a nice little Christmas confection package from them as well. His Sister also works at the Hardware store, and is a total sweetheart.

I have had Grandfatherly feelings for both he and his Sister, and keep tabs on how they're coping (finish Carpenter joke). And I have received similar feelings of friendship from both of them. He's been going through all the steps to become a firefighter, and has been pretty successful thus far.

Fast forward to today...

He came by the lumber desk and just off the cuff made a very offensive joke. Something along the lines of "they should send mosquito netting to Africa to humanely save mosquitos from catching aides."

3 of my co-workers including my Manager were there. All of us found this highly offensive. My Manager first perceived the racial connotations,  while I sighted the homophobic implications as well. We were all pretty dumbfounded. I had my last break shortly after this, and had time to reflect on how offended I actually was by this. And am struggling with the idea that he couldn't understand how anyone, let alone a gay man or Black man wouldn't find this completely offensive. 

After this my Manager mentioned a MAGA conspiracy rant by this same young man a week or so earlier. I'd never gotten any MAGA vibes before either. I'm kind of shell shocked. You can tell all the gay jokes you can come up with, and I will happily laugh along with you and repeat my favorite gay jokes as well. But as a gay man that survived the AIDS epidemic, and personally watched about a dozen friends die in their early twenties, I'm hypersensitive to AIDS jokes. 

Is it possible this young man could in any way not understand this? Am I overthinking this, or blowing it out of proportion? I have no idea how to act, or approach this situation. I'm also afraid my Manager is going to say something to the higher ups, as I had trouble keeping my emotions in check and actually left work a few minutes early in tears. And he was angered that it upset me that much. I don't want to make a thing about this. And I feel that I have no right to expect others to share my values or ideas. I'm just more shocked than anything else, and I'm deeply hurt. But I don't want to retaliate in any way. I also don't want to give anyone else a negative view of said young man. He also has a right to his own ideas and views, political and otherwise. But I can't help feeling this was designed to offend me. I'm completely unaware of any situation that would have prompted any kind of negative feelings toward me. As I've stated, there have been zero reasons for him to feel anything inappropriate between us.

He did recently move from the hardware dept. to the lumber yard, where the attitude can be a little more macho, and the jokes a bit more bawdy. But this seems extreme in any case.

Am I misreading this? Am I just too sensitive? 

Edited 2 hours ago by swt61

[Voltron]

I don't know this kid, but I don't see the homophobic element to his stupid "joke." I think it demonstrates a racial commentary because AIDS in Africa really wasn't about the gay community. I think he was just mocking Africans. Regardless, I don't see why you wouldn't tell him how offensive it was and make clear you don't approve of or accept that kind of comment. If he truly feels that way, he doesn't deserve your affection or attention.

[swt61]

I can't have that conversation and hold it together at this time. It really hurt my feelings. I feel like I've been so kind and understanding, and I'm so confused as to why he would say something like that? 

Maybe it was more racially motivated. Maybe he was just repeating a joke that was told to him. I'm not sure. What I do know is that we've had conversations about my joining an AIDS crisis group, and visiting friends in the hospital during the epidemic.

Telling an offensive joke concerning AIDS to a gay man shows me an underlying disdain for Homosexuality. Telling that joke shows me an underlying disdain for Homosexuals and Black people. Doubly concerning! Could somebody really be that ignorant to their audience?

Even an 18 y.o. ?

Maybe I am being hypersensitive?

I need to take time to fully process this before showing him any reaction. Right now I'm very hurt by this, and that's the worst time for me to try and have a conversation with him. At the very least I'm very disappointed, though I probably don't have a right to be. I'm not his Dad, Grandfather or even close friend. Just a guy who thought he made a connection with with a good kid.